Sometimes I really miss college...

Tonight, while sifting through the wreckage of my beloved Mac, I stumbled upon a cache of old essays, articles, outlines and other various categories of the written word from my college days. Needless to say, the bulk of them were absolute garbage. This particular piece, however, stood out... All the angst and idealism, it reminds me of a day when I was young and hopeful and could drink half a fifth of Bacardi 151 to myself in an evening and still wake up the next morning (I mean that exactly how it sounds. If I were to drink 151 in any quantity now, I would probably die). Anyways, I thought I would share it, if for no other reason than that I want it documented somewhere-- anywhere-- that I was able to turn in a paper with profanity in the title and still get a 4.0. Because that's how the real gangsters roll.


                                                       Separation of head and ass
   Pat Robertson never ceases to amuse me. The 75-year-old source for such valuable nuggets of wisdom as “[Feminsim] encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians,” and “There is no such thing as separation of church and state in the Constitution,” was publicly outraged by the ousting of intelligent design from the Dover public school’s curriculum. Something about God smiting them for poking Him in the eye…
   But, as amusing as Robertson’s remarks might be, they are centered around one of the most debated issues in the US today—separation of church and state. Pat Robertson aside, most of the major issues in the past five years have had major moral significance—gay marriage, abortion and, of course, religion’s place (or lack thereof) in public schools.
   Of all three of these issues, only the abortion debate has any potential for a serious legal basis, mainly because it deals with the termination of a potential human life. The debate, however, gets kind of messy when it comes to determining where life actually begins—from the moment of conception or after the second trimester (when the fetus could survive outside the womb). It’s entirely a Bible vs. science debate. The logical thing to do would be to go with science. You can prove the stage at which a fetus can survive on its own; that’s not so possible with the whole determining the exact moment the fetus receives a soul thing.
   As for the other issues, there’s no legitimate legal basis whatsoever, at least not on the side Pat Robertson would be cheerleading for. It all comes down to that nasty little thing called the First Amendment—the thorn in the side of intolerant zealots everywhere. Quite honestly, I’m ashamed to be in a country where something like gay marriage has to be an issue. I’ve heard several arguments against it—“[Gay marriage is] behavior… prohibited by God himself,” “It would destroy ‘Traditional family values,’” and, my personal favorite, “Public schools… will embrace homosexuality.” (All justifications from “Eleven arguments against same-sex marriage” by Dr. James Dobson.) First of all, this country is not governed by the Bible. It’s governed by the Constitution and the Constitution just so happens to guarantee all people equal rights and equal protection under the law. And what typically happens when two people fall in love? They get married. So, under that theory of equality, that right should be universal, regardless of the gender of the people involved. Secondly, it would destroy traditional family values? The same argument was made against allowing women in the workplace, but look—here we are and, amazingly enough, the world’s still spinning. Besides, who is he to determine which tradition qualifies as “Traditional family values?” Finally, Heaven forbid that public schools teach a little bit of tolerance! (Please note my sarcasm). I can’t help but wonder how many kids like Matthew Shepard would still be alive today if more people had learned how to be accepting at an early age.
   Back to public schools. What people like Dr. Dobson and Pat Robertson don’t seem to realize is that there’s more than one religious doctrine protected under the Constitution. So, if you want to start preaching creationism in public schools, fine. But do it in a theology class along with equal emphasis on all the other creation theories from Greek to Hindu. And I know they’re still getting their panties all in a knot over the proposed exclusion of “Under God” from the pledge of allegiance (which wasn’t in there until 1954 anyways). Again, as difficult as it may be, we all need to respect each other’s right to believe in whatever deity we choose to (or choose not to) believe in. I know Mr. Robertson wouldn’t appreciate having to align himself with Buddha every morning. 
   In the public sphere, the laws and policies have to be in the best interest of the PUBLIC, not interest groups like the Christian Coalition. Nobody is stopping them from practicing their beliefs, except for their belief that they have the right to force Christianity upon the entire population. And that opposition isn’t coming only from modern politicians, it’s in the Constitution itself. This country is not a theocracy nor was it intended as one. That’s why we have the first amendment. If the “Separation of church and state” is too hard to understand, maybe we should supplement it with a new policy: separation of head and ass.

Peace, bitches.